" It's over, and I climbout. I sleepwalk through the rest of the ceremony, the fearof being brainwashed forcing me to do something I havenever before considered, to deny my God and embrace a newone. It is only words, not an active, mental acceptance, butthey are such painful, hateful words. I am overcome withguilt, and I realize, my name should be Judas, not Stephen. Iam unworthy of holding the title of the first martyr. I'm nowamong the millions of betrayers. * * * The rest of the day passes in a haze, a blury,incoherent smog of 're-education' broken only twice formeals. At lunch I aviod John, who has been renamed Sara. Iam unable to look him in the eyes after my hideous betrayel. She does not seek me out, and I have a feeling that it'sbecause she feels the same way. Instead I sit in an inconspicuose corner. Thinking,pushing my food around with my fork, and trying to ignorethe growing pressure in my bladder. Feminine urination isnot. I got out and went with Jane. She said, "We're Jane and George Andrews from Virginia. The rest of our party is coming up behind us in a moment in two more trucks. Would you tell me your histories and what you know of the fire?"Robert said, "I think the fire was set. There had been no storms and we haven't heard any explosions. It started yesterday morning in toward the middle of town and spread pretty easily. The only other possibility I can think of is electrical. When something failed, a short could have been created and the fire came from that."We know there are other small groups like us who were living close in. We've seen signs of them and even talked to one group of six. Everybody has been careful but no clashes that we've seen."My story is simple. I was married and lost my wife to the virus. Margie and Fred lived on the same street and Fred died of the virus, too. We ran into each other and have been hanging around ever since." Margie nodded.Cindy said, "Jim and I had dated.
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