I was just caught up in the newness of it all while maintaining a rational type of denial in my conscious mind. Reality crashed in when Jim asked me what the hell was going on. I couldn't lie about it but I could pretend it was no big deal. That didn't really work. My attraction to Alex was simply too obvious and that shook Jim. I really feared we were in trouble with our marriage for the very first time and it was all my fault. When Jim returned from his little walk and told me he wasn't going to make me stop but rather wanted me to pursue it, that he even wanted me to have sex with Alex, it shocked me and became the most psychologically challenging thought I had ever considered. I vehemently resisted the very idea. Looking back however, my thoughts were rarely monolithic. There was a small component in the idea of sex with Alex that was exciting, liberating, and outrageously erotic. Boy did I try to suppress that! Didn't work. It might have worked, I might have never turned that. “Maybe he didn’t like what he saw, Momma. Maybe he didn’t think I was attractive. Or sexy.”“I don’t think that would be the issue, Sissy. He remembers Ricky being naked and I know for a fact he would not find him to be sexy.”“I don’t know then, Momma” said Sissy.“We need to find more opportunities for him to see you naked, Honey. Otherwise, we will not be able to continue with our new life choices.”We were interrupted at that moment by my husband coming into the room. He looked a little unsteady on his feet as he walked across the livingroom and joined us on the couch. Poppa flopped down on the couch in between us.“Are you alright, Dear,” I asked him.“I feel a little light headed,” he replied, “but I was tired of lying in bed.”“Can I get you anything, Poppa? A cup of tea or something to eat?” asked Sissy.“No, thank you, babygirl, I just want to sit here with my two favourite people in the world.”Both of us cuddled up tightly against my husband. Sissy was so tight against him, his arm.
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