’‘Alright, honey, I’m sorry. Put the dog on the phone. I’ll talk to him.’“Listen to me when I tell you this: we’re all gay; it’s just to what extent are you gay.”He goes, “That’s bullshit. I ain’t gay at all.”I’m like, “Yeah you are, and I’ll prove it to you.”He goes, “Fine. Prove it.”I’m like, “Alright. Do you like porn?”He goes, “Yeah, I love porn. You know that.”I’m like, “Do you only watch scenes with two women together?”“No, I watch a man and a woman making love.”“Do you like the guy to have a small, half-flaccid penis?”He goes, “No, I like big, hard, throbbing cocks.”“Why are you a vegetarian?” I asked him. And it wasn’t even because meat is bad for you.He said that “raising cattle was bad for the planet -- with cow flatulence in the ozone and the clearing of land for the raising of cattle. What are you doing to help the environment?”“I’m eating the cow.”On Deer Hunting:If you ever miss one, it’s because the bullet’s moving too fast.Slow the bullet down to 55 miles an hour, put. Now, I know your saying, why did you plop down on the couch, and the reason for that is, she had one of those huge couches that you couldn’t just sit on, you had to plop. Well, on this huge couch she had a bunch of blankets, and I just so happen to sit on one of the most comfortable, fluffiest blankets she had. Needless to say, fluffy was the cat that I sat one. The damn thing was laying underneath about twenty blankets, and as soon as I plopped down, I heard this god awful cat noise that I couldn’t even dream of putting to words. By this time, she comes running out of the bedroom screaming, “what the hell did you do to my poor cat!” and I couldn’t say anything. I dislocated the cat’s front right leg. Yes, dislocated. How do you know this you ask, well it is not normal for a cat to be running around with it’s right back leg stepping on it’s front right paw, it was dislocated. She immediately starts chasing the cat, which was the funniest damn thing I have ever seen. Being a fitness.
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