The deal was legal for there was no trade embargo betweenSouth Africa and Iran at that time. For Mac, Billy and I it just meanthigher freight rates and more money into our respective pension funds.We returned to Durban for the last time and loaded the militaryequipment in addition to the last of the gas compression equipment. Before we set off for Iran we talked long and hard about the future ofour ship owning. We decided that I would keep a third share in the shipand act as a cargo broker whilst Mac took command and Billy continued asChief engineer. I sold my one-sixth share between Mac and Billy so thatwe were now each equal one-third parties in the venture. Frankly I wasnow in my late fifties and getting tired of the nomadic life at sea. Iwanted to put down roots and live a very private life indulging mytransvestism.As the last cargo was being loaded, we despatched our contract papers toa contract lawyer in London and waited for our Baltic Exchange agent tofind the next cargo or. I love you. But I love you... , “ I inhaled deeply and continued, a bit fearful. “I love you as if you were the love of my life.”Rhee started to interject, but I shook my head, rather violently, and continued down this scary course upon which I had decided (when did that happen?).“I’ve not been in love before, but I feel it – so strongly – that I love you as if you were a boy or man. But I also know that I really want to make love to my dad, and I am sexually intrigued by the possibility that Brett presents. I don’t think that I’m gay ... a lesbian. How could I be, when I am sexually interested in two males, one with whom I’d agree right now to a long-term sexual relationship? I’m confused ... and scared.”“Scared? I don’t know that I’ve seen you scared. You’re so strong, confident.”“Terrified is a more-correct term. Is it just the sex? I really hope not.”That got me squeezed again.“Beth, I love you. So, you’re confused; I am, too. What do two 14-year-olds know about love? Alone, in.
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