This time I wasn't even trying to bediplomatic. I just said it, angrily, because I could tell Mark wasavoiding something with me, and I wasn't in the mood for games."She's pregnant," he said.I expected my jaw to drop, but a different reflex kicked in instead: Istarted biting my lower lip. I wasn't sure why I was doing it at first,but then I felt a tear well up in my left eye. This wasn't the reactionof a friend who just found out his best friend was about to become afather. This was the reaction of a woman who was hearing about someoneelse's baby for the first time and just now realizing that her baby wasgone. No, not her baby. My baby.Twenty-four hours ago I was ready to tell the world about my pregnancy,and now I was back in this life where a child wouldn't remotely be partof my future. It was killing me inside, and compounding that pain wasthe fact I couldn't tell anyone about it. I knew I wasn't going to beable to hold back the tears much longer, and it'd be hard to explain. Of course, he does wander off into space every once in a while." Does he know he's a nerd?"It was his turn to laugh."Yeah. He'd have to be pretty obtuse not to notice. But he doesn't care. He's happy being him." Do you know you're a nerd?"He smiled, put his arms around me and pulled me in."Yeah. And I'm happy being me."He squeezed me as he said this. I don't know who had the bigger smile, Jeff or I."Tell me more." I snuggled against him. "Does he have a sense of humor?" He has a great sense of humor. Sometimes he can get a little cheesy, but he can see the humor in almost anything."I knew what I was getting Louis."What about his parents?" I asked. "I haven't heard a word about either of them." Car accident." He didn't sound upset."Sorry." It was a while ago. The thing that makes me sad is that I don't remember much about them. Sandy has almost no memory of them at all." That's a shame."I kissed his cheek. I kissed his neck. I kissed behind his ear. This had nothing to do with sex. I.
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