The adverts end and the room becomes silent in the suspense of what the next few hours hold. It reminds me of being on a train and going through a long dark tunnel, not knowing what everything will look like on the other side. I nervously play with the chain around my neck as the credits appear on screen and the soundtrack begins to play. For a blissful hour and a half it is just him and I suspended in a world of our own and despite reality waiting for us outside the doors, for now, we have sought an escape that only we share. Out of the corner of my eye I see him shuffle in his seat, our bare knees brush and then he is still, my smooth leg against his hairy one. I can feel his eyes on my face, I glance round and see him mimicking me, biting his bottom lip, I smile sheepishly and look down at the crumpled bag in my lap. My eyes return to the screen as I feel a warm glow in my cheeks that I’m glad he can’t see. We both reach into the bag at the same time, his hand lingers before his. Because in a way, you were the goal ... a personal goal for me ... at least for this year. They were the trail of bread crumbs you followed back to me. Without your concern for them, you never would have come. You were so concerned about the chasers that you were blind to the clean base. It's still a bit of a blind-spot for you." What the fuck do you mean? I know it's the base I'm addicted to. I know that's how you got me." And yet when you come here begging me for a clean dose, the only thing you're worried about is what the chasers will make you do. You're not asking the big questions. You're just worried about how you'll spend the next 8 to 12 hours of your life."Sobbing."I don't blame you, really ... if I were in your shoes, I'd be worried about the chaser too. Will I turn you into a pliant little party-girl, but spare you the memories with something like benzodiazepine? Maybe I'll fuck you up on sodium pentathol, and let one of the psych kids drag every last private thought from.
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