‘What do you want to eat.’ It wasn’t a question. I was going to force feed her if I needed to. I didn’t rescue her to wither away to nothing while she wallowed in …whatever it was she was wallowing in. ‘I said I don’t want anything.’ ‘I’ll go make you a quesadilla, and then we can talk.’ She looked away from me when I said ‘talk.’ I rose, not wanting to leave, but somehow not wanting to stay either. I made my way to the empty kitchen and cooked her up a quick quesadilla. Danielle always liked those, or at least seemed to like them when I made them. ‘Here you go.’ I set the plate down on the bed nest to her. ‘I said I didn’t want anything.’ ‘Please eat?’ I let the full brunt of my concern show for the first time. I’d been trying to put up a brave front, hoping she’d allow herself to lean on me for support. I was wrong. I was tired of trying in vain to offer my support, so instead, I showed her my vulnerability. ‘Ok.’ She said, showing some semblance of concern. At least it was an. I'd discovered over the years that restaurants in the Phoenix area did as good a job with steaks as anywhere in the country, on a par with Denver, Kansas City and Omaha. I wanted some wine, but I didn't want her to have any, so I skipped it.Later that night she made a tearful, sobbing apology and never pushed back again on this big change in our lives. Sure, we argued about a number of things after that, but not over her beating her addiction or changing her environment for something a lot less stressful. Part of why she had problems was that she was a perfectionist in a job that allowed few mistakes, worked too hard for too many hours, and tried to please too many people. It was a big step for her to abdicate this part of her life to me.We pulled into my parent's yard about four in the afternoon on the third day of travel. Annie had called her parents as we passed through Santa Rosa, and they were there waiting for us. I'd called both of our folks before we left Austin and explained.
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