It didn't matter how shy he wasas Marty. As Mary, he could be himself, or herself,rather. Shewas as close to feminine as any man could be without an operation. She knew she could be outgoing, and she'd have her test at thefestival today. She opened the garage door by pressing a button on the wall.She/he got into his/her car and pulled out toward town. She founda parking space on a sidestreet. It was almost noon, and thefestival was in full swing. People were gathering along the mainstreet. It looked like it was almost time for a parade. Shebrought along her mother's spare purse, and put her car keys in it. She locked the door, took a deep breath and stepped out of the car. Her heels clicked on the sidewalk. She loved it. She was free. Shegathered with some people who were waiting for the parade. Youcould see it coming down the street, led by police cars andfiretrucks, then followed by a marching band. She reconized a fewof the members of the band from lakewiew high. . Would they even be collected? By thetime we arrived, the petals had dried and darkened, and the soldiers'wrinkled limbs were hard--even wearing the thick gloves I was--to touch. Irealized without any pride that I was probably the most educated eunuchthere. It hit me that knowledge isn't everything. Isn't it, like so muchelse, I asked myself, another invention mothered by necessity; a tool thecoward uses to protect oneself, reduce the riskiness of risks, make theutterly unknown known somewhat? 'It's a miracle,' Mistress said, 'thereare as few maggots as there are.' (There seemed to be plenty to me.)"The last dream I had in the midst of this illness was of the first man Ihad ever had a crush on. Following the dream, I wrote this poem:I would love to become his bed sheets,I would spread myself thin upon him,Not to warm myself, but to be warmth.Initial neckbeard bristles--Dark on his ivory skin,Like the hatching plants of spring,Like the first erratic growths in the snow--Would tickle.
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