.. both about then, and now? In the end my instinct took over and the words came out, almost without consciousness, “There’s something been bugging me for years, too.” “Yes?” She placed a cleaning tablet in the dispenser and closed the door. “What’s that?” She switched the appliance on, reached for the wine bottle, and started to refill our glasses. I followed her back to the sofa and tried to find the right words. “Well, do you remember... at a New Year’s party your folks had, one time, probably the last one before you left... we danced?” “Not sure,” she sipped at her glass and slipped backwards into a more horizontal position. “I’m sure we did, but I’m not sure I remember the exact occasion. Was there something about it I should remember?” Only the tiniest hint of a playful grin crossed her face. “I don’t know,” I was heartened as I carefully sat next to her, but still not sure whether we were on the same page, “it was just a nice time I guess.” We settled into a. Why was I so weak as to doubt him? The bedroom is his domain, he knows my every thought here, my yearnings, my fears that I will disappoint him.I hear the click of a digital camera, good I want to see the marks he has left, the stinging little welts that will be gone in an hour, the proof of my humiliation, my inner need to be chastised – “Punish me”All goes quiet again and I hear him light another cigarette, he is teasing me again – no he has just pulled on the thong and pulled the nipple clamps again – how can he surprise me time and time again? Most of the time he is a gentle, kindly lover but he says that when I confess or have a glint in my eye I have an inner need – it is his duty to see that I behave at times like these. “Please punish me a little bit more”He moves, to the top of the bed I think, he has, he is untying my hands but tells me to leave them where they are. Next he unties my feet. ‘Stand up’ he whispers. I must do as he says and quickly, but part of me.
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