I don't remember anything." I was totallyhonest. "I remember going to the party" (totally true) "and then havingdrinks. After that it was all a blur." The only think I really rememberwas the accident. Its all hazy. I kinda remember doing things, but notreally as a person doing it, just a hazy foggy memory. Ya know?" But you did it." I guess, but I don't remember it." You don't remember blowing those guys?" I could tell he was a bitpissed."Why are you mad?" Because of what you did, I mean how could you?" I don't remember it. Really. Do you really think I would do somethinglike that if I had control of myself?" Your saying you were drugged?" I don't know, but how else can it be explained?" I was going to workthe drugged angle. I really didn't think that anyone could do somethinglike that without being drugged."I mean I couldn't see how anyone would do that, especially you." What do you mean? Give a blow job?" Not just one. All of them. Those guys." I know. I don't want to think about. Murada-san had provided us with kimonos after our bath, and bandages for our wounds. She brought us to her kitchen table and fed us delicious leftovers from the evening meal. Sasha had three bowls of rice, then asked for more! She seemed to enjoy doting on him and he enjoyed the attention. When I asked to be excused to return to the room, he wanted to stay to chat with her about her family photographs. I didn’t mind, I wanted some time alone to reflect on my decision not to make a decision. Here in Japan, having Sasha with me was the culmination of my ultimate fantasy. Who wouldn’t experience the thrill of a lifetime having such a handsome and devoted suitor to travel with? In that regard, I was as lucky as anyone could possibly get. Yet his presence with me would be the cause of someone else’s most crushing blow — the destruction of their fantasy. Why did this have to be so positive or negative? Why is it all up to me? OK, just be with him this one more night, I thought. There must.
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