But then a nagging little voice told him he was only fooling himself. It was time to seek professional help. His own Doctor had been distantly professional. After a detailed explanation of the mechanics and hydraulics and an intensive cross examination on Ben’s use of illegal substances and intake of alcohol – none to the former, moderate to the latter- he referred Ben to Mr Sandford at the County Hospital. Now, walking back to his car, Ben felt particularly low for the first time. ‘My God,’ he thought, ‘I’ll have to see a shrink’. He had the ordinary man’s horror of anything to do with mental illness. To be truthful, the prospect scared him. He had debated with himself long and hard before even visiting his GP. The thought of ‘someone messing with his head’ was anathema. His gloom persisted through the rest of that day. In bed that night he wondered if he was gay. He tried to masturbate by fantasising about men but he found the mental image of a pair of ample, hairy buttocks less. Added to my other monies it more than met the cost of buying and furnishing my new home, plus a big housewarming and thank-you party (or orgy) for the girls. * I ought to mention that while I was still at the old house I settled my accounts with George Marjoribanks. Wendy and I invited him and Sue for dinner, as of course we were obliged to, and since it was such a golden opportunity to be annoyingly condescending about our relatively modest home he naturally accepted with alacrity. He seemed a little surprised when I commented what good company the twins had been when we dined with him, and I asked him to extend the invitation to them too. By the time the agreed date arrived I had gone over my plans with Wendy, Alicia and the twins. They all knew what was expected of them. For Wendy and me it was something of a farewell, we were already looking for a new house by this time so it was the last time we should entertain formally in a home we had lived in for fifteen years. So when it.
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