I stopped because I was feeling scared and confused about it.But days later I walked into the woods with him and told him I wanted to do it again.He yelled at me saying “What the fuck! Are you queer or something?”That paralyzed me and I never acted on that impulse again until the age of forty-eight.But, from that day on, I thought about it a lot. It became ingrained in my thoughts every time I jerked off. I desperately wanted to suck somebody off, and that need was greatly enhanced after my divorce and affairs. I even thought about eating my own cum, but every time I had an orgasm, I lost all desire to taste it. Maybe it was lack of desire, or maybe it was me was being scared of it. I also started collecting and freezing my cum, but still, couldn’t ingest it.At age forty-eight, I started going to known gay hangouts in my city. I even talked to some guys that I was attracted to. But being a timid sort, I just couldn’t get up the courage to go to second base. There were a few who asked. As far as I knew, I was the only one in our group who knew that Cathy was taking Eda out on a ‘date’ tomorrow evening.As we rode west on Highway 2 from London with Journey’s new album, Evolution playing softly over the speakers, Lynette said out of the blue, “I’m not sure if this is a good time to talk about this, but uh, what the heck ... you know I’m not shy or afraid to say what’s on my mind.”“Oh Lord! Watch yourself, Brick and E!” Paul chuckled knowing full well anything or everything could be thrown out on the table from my girlfriend.“What’s under your tanned skin, Cano?” Sammy asked; basically giving Lynette some unneeded permission to put her thoughts out there for us.“Well, after Jenn’s little announcement and now knowing that Paul and Cathy are one-hundred percent certain about movin’ to Timmins ... I wanted to get your thoughts on...”“Really! Lava-Lips?” I said as I knew that she was going to bring up the ‘name-change’ topic to our whole group. At least I wouldn’t have to.
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