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To make me finally, once and for all, admit to myself that Birgit was dead and was never, ever coming back. I had always known that intellectually, but now I felt it, deep in my soul. And I wasn’t crying. I wasn’t upset. It really was time to move on. Birgit, once I’d met her, had affected every choice I’d made when she was alive and many more after she’d died. My friends had even acknowledged that when they talked about me maturing and growing up — that I was becoming the man Birgit knew I could be.I now understood that I’d let a ghost control far too much of my life. It wasn’t that I didn’t love her; I most certainly did. It wasn’t that I didn’t miss her; for I did that nearly every day. It didn’t hurt like it used to; but the feeling was still there, always lurking under the surface, affecting just about everything I did. And it had to stop, or I was going to make a real mess of things. I had to do what was right for me, not what I thought Birgit expected of me. I hadn’t. I remembered that when I was in Ukraine I saw most women dress well and put make-up, even if they went out to a nearby grocery store.I booted the computer and saw what was wrong right away. It appeared she disconnected her router and modem while cleaning, and reconnected them wrongly. I put the cables in the right places and saw the green lights were now lit correctly, though I could not get access. While I was figuring it out she came in with lemonade, and gave me a glass. I gladly drank it, and as I was done she suggested something stronger. I was surprised, and replied I wanted to focus on fixing the problem.A few minutes went by and I was done. In a failed attempt to fix her error using the hotline service of her internet provider she managed to disable the network adapter on her computer. I had shown her she could browse again. Though the auto-fill on her browser revealed some interesting browsing choices, with porn sites being a popular destination. She was happy to see the.
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