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I was always careful when I drank, priding myself on my self-control in all areas of my life. I'd never had a hangover, but from the sore and shabby state of my friends that night, I knew more than a few of them would come to regret the morning after the night before. So I had headed home, arriving in the dark, where I had crept about, cat-like in the familiar darkness of my home, careful not to wake my mother.But apparently I need not have worried. For she was awake. Curious, I padded forward, finding her in the study. It was at the back of the house, a small alcove off a turn in the hallway. The light was on inside, and as I drew closer, I beheld ... well. Quite a spectacle.The computer table faced out into the hall, and my mother's laptop was open and running. And so, for that matter, was she! She wore a hybrid microphone/headphone headset, and nothing else. She had turned the wooden chair around, and through the bars meant to support one's back as they worked, I could see her. How did Chef get on the bus?"It's Stan, Chef. He throws up every time he sees Wendy." Yeah," said Cartman. "He loves her, but he's too much of a pussy to talk toher." Shut up, Cartman or I'll sick my dog Sparky on your pot-bellied pig!" Ha! She's safe. Your gay dog's only interested in guy animals." He is NOT gay, Cartman." Is too." Is not." The fight broke out again."Children, children. Stan your problem is that you need to stop looking atWendy as if she's an alien. She's a person just like you, me, Kyle or Cartman. If you treat her just like a person, you'll find the sweet love of a woman. There's nothing like the hot burning love of a woman. In fact, I prepared a song about that just for you."With that, Chef broke into a rousing chorus of "Sexual Healing" by MarvinGaye.Neither Stan, Kyle, or Cartman knew what the Hell he was singing about so they just stared at each other blankly. By that time, they were at the South Park Elementary School, and they all scrambled from.
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