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We sat there for what seemed like hours, but in reality only a few seconds. He stood up and undid his pants I was horny shocked scared all rolled up into one.He stood at the edge of my bed with nothing but his shirt on. With a large drunken grin Matt sardonically says, "You look pretty in my panties." I had never had sex with a guy before but had occasionally fantasized about. He mentioned that Jessica had decided not to go out tonight in order to prepare for the Halloween party they were throwing Saturday night. He had gone to party and was very horny. Matt said not to stop masturbating on his account."What were you masturbating to anyway?"I had forgotten all about what I was fantasizing about but I stuttered I like the feel of panties and stockings and often got off just on the feel."Are you Gay?" Matt asked."No." I plainly stated although I had fantasized about giving a blowjob."Are you?" I asked as I started to move my hand against my crotch, a little surprised that I was still. I read for days, learned English and got the warmfeeling of not being alone in the struggle.It was out of desperation that I discovered that my effeminate soulcould offer some practical gifts. For many years I tried to reject andsuppress everything that seemed unmanly, including my feelings. Iwanted to cry, often, like a girl. Or giggle happily, as girls do. Ilearned to suppress my emotions by holding my breath and pretending Idid not care. Only later in life did I discover that this part of me isalso a power. I am an empath, a powerful empath. As this part of mematured, it is enabled me to read people's emotions, even the hiddenones. Once I was sitting on a suburban train admiring a beautiful girlmy age in front of me. She was dozing, oblivious to my staring at her,and I felt safe, for it is nothing unusual for a boy to admire a girl.But my admiration was different.I did not imagine having sex with her; I imagined being her. She wasslim; the tight jeans hugged her legs. Her small.
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