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Linda was about a hundred pounds heavier than her, with great black pendulous breasts, a thick full belly and wide hips sporting a fully padded but surprisingly muscular ass over two tree trunk like legs. She rolled like a troll when she walked, a picture of a fat old woman gone to seed. Audrey challenged her. “What have you got to laugh at? You don’t think I know how much you wish you were me?” Standing in the fullness of her power, beneath the workout lights and cameras of the exercise center she had built, she looked down upon the fat old black woman bagging up her garbage. Linda shook her head and laughed some more. Tossing the bags into her cart with an ease that would have surprised anyone attempting to lift them, the old black woman turned an looked Audrey up and down slowly, walking around her and examining her like you would an animal your kids brought home and wanted to keep, or a used car someone was trying to convince you to buy. “Look at you? Why would I want to be you?. Broke and desperate, my nerves were as frayed as the jeans I've worn during my seven years of college. My baloney and generic hot dog diet were as tasteless as an Earnest P. Worrell film festival. Fate intervened when I spent my last fifty cents on the LA Times where I discovered what I thought was only an urban legend: the classified ads.My beady eyes immediately found the potential answer to all my financial woes: a Help Wanted ad for a maid in Beverly Hills. Since I'm a closet Weezer fan I knew this was kismet. The only requirements were "honest and hard-working." Those attributes could be problematic so I began embellishing my resume in hopes the homeowner didn't have access to a polygraph. After selling plasma to finance a trip to a discount hair salon, I began work on my yard sale chic wardrobe.An upgrade was necessary. Luckily, Walmart still hadn't repaired their surveillance cameras so I picked up two stylish and clean outfits. (Let's just say 'clean') After spending.
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