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That my actions work after a fashion is small consolation." No, Berthold, there must be more to it. Karla told me about her reactions and impressions. She, too, felt shame, hate, fear, amongst other things. She had been appalled that she became aroused when you first treated her. Your aloofness and impersonal behaviour made her resent you even more. The brutality of your words nearly broke her. Yet, when she lay in the clinics, she had sufficient time to realise what you tried to achieve. Your crass act on your excursion stumped her even more. It was a violation bordering on rape, but again you surprised her with what she called your 'professionalism'. At the same time, she was wondering why she followed your instructions so meekly."There you have it, Berthold. I don't want to break any confidences. Even though I disagreed strongly at times, cursed you even, you did good. You are right too, Alfred, we do work well together. Be sure to tell Jake how much Helmut appreciated his. '"When Aaron was born, you changed more. I worried some, because you stopped joking. Your focus shifted away from me and the kids, and I felt lost. And then I complained that the apartment was too small for four people. We bought the house and you changed so, so much."You were working too many hours and, even when you were home, your mind was at your desk. It was almost like you weren't there at all. I talked to you. I pleaded with you to relax, to play more with the kids, to spend some time with me, but you were wrapped up in your own world."I'm not a doctor, but I think you may have had depression. I've begun to think that you hated yourself, hated the life you were living. You became a moper-drone. You went about your life like a robot instead of a man."I became angry with what you were doing to yourself and I was hurt because of what it was doing to me and to the boys. Every day I would try to talk to you and every day you would ignore me. It was just so frustrating."David had.
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