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.. I really do wish I still had mine. But that'snot it. Not really. It goes much deeper than that."She was lying on her back, staring at the ceiling, but she could senseTom nodding his head slowly and sympathetically."I want to be," she resumed slowly, "The clumsy oaf making a fool ofhimself in front of a bunch of girls, who sit there laughing at him,before they turn round and giggle to each other, 'He's gorgeous.' I wantto make a woman feel like a million dollars, be dashing and romantic andmake her swoon. I want her to feel safe and secure when I put strongarms round her. I want her to run her hands over my shoulders and myback and luxuriate in the way they feel to her."But I can't have that. It's been taken away from me. Look at how smallmy shoulders are, and how thin and strengthless my arms are, how slenderand soft my body is. There isn't a woman in the world who would want meto put my arms around her."Tom shifted uncomfortably. Ruth almost snapped at him."And don't tell me there. Sam wasn't interested in me anymore after that, which crushed my tender heart, but lots of other guys were. I kept them at bay, however, refusing to be the girl who 'put out', and eventually they quit asking and left me alone.I held on to the memory of that experience. In the middle of my senior year I met a guy from the local college who finally broke down my barriers. After almost a year I finally gave in to him, just a week after he surprised me with a ring and asked me to marry him. He wasn't nearly as big as Sam, but was gentle and patient with me. We came to enjoy each other, and our lovemaking was the height of ecstasy for both of us. We spent the next 8 months planning the wedding and making love almost every day. He was gentle but persistent as he led me thru a series of firsts, making each one enjoyable for me. With him, I had my first blowjob, my first swallow (which I now LOVE), my first anal (another love). Almost anything two people could do, we did it and I loved it.
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