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After I put the phone down I tempered my joy by telling myself that I had only been invited out of pity after my show of weakness last weekend, and because she was now at least a friend, and one who was helping out at a time of trouble. Now I would have a welcome distraction from my own head and the dust-dry book on the law of tort I was ploughing through at Margaret's behest. What would I give her for Christmas? What do you buy for your self-sufficient self-contained sexually deviant Mistress, who is also a real life aristocrat? I only had three days left to decide!I happened to have a copy of Time Out lying around, as I'd been thinking of burying myself in cinemas over the holiday period, my usual panacea. A bit of lateral thinking took me from The Last Tango In Paris, showing at a private club as the licensing authorities were scared of the populace becoming anal sex addicts or some such, to a bookshop I knew in Bloomsbury, where editions of classic erotic literature were. ’That would be enough for you, wouldn’t it? A flash of power here and there… But I have warned you from the beginning: I’m very high maintenance in that department.Sometimes, you seem to be forgetting, just how easily I get bored. You need to put the fucking effort in, My Dear. Otherwise, you're making me having to nudge you and give you little hints sporadically, usually in a shape of an explicit picture of a new position, a bondage tie, or a toy.I’ve learned to organise your reactions to these hints into four categories.-When you say ‘nice’, it usually means you don’t care for it at all. It took me months to see through your polite English gentleman facade, but now I read between your lines easily.-When you include an interjection like ‘mmm,’ ‘ohh' or ‘gulp,’ you’re being a bit more enthusiastic, but still not completely sold.-‘Fuck me’ usually means you're a bit shocked and love it. Or sometimes just plain shocked.-The last reply, ‘Do you want me to buy it?’ is kept exclusively for.
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