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Once she finished with my face, she began to work on my neck. I askedwhat she was doing and she noted that she had to cover up my Adam's appleand help work on my voice.I went to ask how, but she scolded me to keep quiet and still while sheworked on my neck. I kept still and felt something press against mythroat. It felt tight, but I could still breathe without an issue, whichwas some relief.After the woman finished affixing a prosthetic to cover up my neck, sheasked me to speak. I said a couple of words before I came to a stop,stunned by the unmistakably feminine tone of my voice.She smiled as she explained how the voice box modifier I was adorned withworked. I was stunned by its novelty, while the businessman in mewondered what kind of market it had.After I finished with my prosthetics, I was taken into another room tomatch the hue of my prosthetics to my skin. The male technician told meto strip, which I did with some hesitation.I disliked the way I looked naked before this. Mine was a product of guilt, of right and wrong, good and bad, a labelling of certain sexual behaviors as sinful that created a person like me. It created a boy who wanted to have a woman’s experience in bed yet wanting to avoid the intimacy with a man that this experience would require. I don’t think I can exaggerate just how odd this made me feel. I couldn’t imagine kissing a man. I couldn’t imagine him hugging me, groping me, penetrating me. I couldn’t imagine dating a boy. Even with her anatomy, I didn’t have the vocabulary of a girl. If I had spontaneously changed sexes, even if I did so today, I believe I would be a lesbian at best and a slightly odd one. I doubt I could even stomach the idea of sex with a butch female. Denying even the slightest possibility that I was gay left me alone in a fantasy world where all women were stereotypical, model beauties. All people were perfectly sculpted women in these scenarios, the only difference among us being that some women had.
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