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My father taught me IRONY."Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS."Shut your mouth and eat your supper."9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM."Just you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"10. My mother taught me about STAMINA."You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."11. My mother taught me about WEATHER."This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY."If I told you once, I've told you a million times, don't exaggerate!"13. My father taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE."I brought you into this world, and I can take you out..."14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION."Stop acting like your father!"15. My mother taught me about ENVY."There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION."Just wait until we get home."17. My mother taught me about. As it was common knowledge to me, that I wasn’t astonishing enough to capture his affection for long. I once spoke of my concerns to him, and he was in a word indignant. Angered beyond reason that I would categorize him in such a way, and after the initial blow I was assured there was no one else. Admittedly I felt extraordinary, that he, who could have anyone woman desired, was putting me upon a pedestal. God may damn me, but I enjoyed being the object of his wanting, and need. Then something happened, he’d disappear for drawn out periods of time. I the constant cynic feared the worst, but when he returned it was as if nothing happened. For two years we’d talk until sunrise, and there never was a bald spot in our conversations. Yet, surely as that sun would rise, he would again vanish. This time for days, until days became weeks. During his various departures I found myself growing depressed, and physically ill. My friends, blessed be their souls, did everything they could to.
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