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’ She snaked her free arm around his waist and rested her head on his stomach. ‘You’re not a hard man to read, Jacob Edwards. You don’t hide your guilt very well at all. I couldn’t blame you. I couldn’t be the wife you needed that way, and I realized you had to take care of those needs. ‘Just like I have a need to repay your brother. It doesn’t mean I want an affair with him, or that I don’t love you, or respect you. But I need to show him how much what he did means to and for me, for us. Please try to understand. And know, there never has been, and never will be anyone else I love other than you.’ She pulled him down to share a kiss. As they broke the kiss, Jake heaved a huge sigh, and said ‘Well, at least you’re keeping it in the family. I can imagine worse. It could have been the postman,’ and smiled. Before she saw the smile, Ellen started to get angry, that he would even contemplate such a scene. But when she saw the smile, and realized he was not only joking, but agreeing, she. As guilty as I may have felt, I couldn’t stop my mind from continuously drifting back to that time with Jackson and wishing that I could capture those feelings again. My rational mind knew that the intensity of the interaction I had with Jackson was at least partially dictated by the fact that all the passion, respect and admiration we felt for each other had to be expressed in a concentrated 36-hour window. I knew that in spending a life with someone you just don’t maintain that level of intensity. At least that’s what I told myself. Armed with that knowledge I wasn’t tempted to break up my marriage and go looking for Jackson. I resolved that it was okay to have a secret fantasy life, I just needed to feed her hunger enough to keep me from doing something stupid that could wreck my relationship and hurt Brian. By the third year of our marriage, I began reading erotica in the bath tub in the evenings and using that time to feed that hunger. I searched for romantic stories that had.
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