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I looked at myself in the mirror. It feltvery strange to have my body encased in all this elasticated lycra."All right," Elaine said, "time to try the first dress. Kneel down andhold your arms straight up above your head."I knelt as requested, so that my wife could drop the garment over my headand shoulders. The dress was of a red lacy material, with a high necklineand a full skirt that fell to just below my knees. "Elaine," I said,"this is awfully short. You can see my legs."Elaine laughed. "Of course you can see your legs. It's a dress! Do youlike it?"I looked at my reflection in the mirror, feeling distinctly foolish. Thedress looked all right, thanks to the shaping provided by the bra and thewaist cincher. It was me that was wrong. My balding head and hairy legslooked decidedly out of place. "The dress looks OK, but I look terrible,"I said, miserably."Don't worry, Charlie," Elaine said. "I told you, just leave everythingto Julie and me. Now, try on the next one."Elaine helped me. It’s her senior year. Has she ever been to a dance?”“No. Didn’t sound like it.”“Ironic, since she’s a dancer. You have to take her then.”“Wouldn’t that be weird?”“If it was that weird, why did you even ask me?”“I wasn’t asking! I was just telling you what she said. Anyway, I bet she changes her mind once the—” I caught myself in time, silently cursing myself for not having told Heather about my pot smoking yet. I had to get that out one of these days.“Once what?” Heather asked.“Once she thinks about it, I guess.”“Is she still there?”“No, she left a while ago. It was kind of awkward, obviously. I told her I wasn’t sure if I could do that, since I was together with you, but that I’d think about it, you know, or something. Then I told her I was turning on the lights.”“Nice. Way to crush a girl’s dreams, Matt,” Heather chided.“Whatever! You’re too funny.”“Let me talk to her. What’s her number?”“Whatever.”“Her number, Matt.”“No.”“Her number.”“No. How was your day?”Silence.“Really?” I.
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