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” I admitted.“I need to know where this is going. I will not be able to stop wondering when you will come to my room or ask me to join you. I thought about this all day. We either need to stop completely right now, or you need to let me know exactly what you expect from me. I want you to be happy, but I can’t just be on call whenever you feel you need me, not after last night. I won’t be able to stay in this house if I have to be near you and always wonder if you will want to be with me like that again. I’m afraid to even kiss your cheek because of what I may do.”John was right. I manipulated and used him to fill that empty spot in my life with little regard for the consequences. How could I have been so naive as to have thought that I would only have phone sex with John when I wanted to or believe that I could call him into my room or go to his room only when I was in the mood? We have been very physical with each other. Each time I allowed myself to go further than the time before.. My plan was to buy chips and a drink along with the condoms. It would take off some stress as apposed to walking in only to purchase condoms. I did not want to spend a lot of time at the liquor store. My eyes spotted a blue pack of condoms near the register. They seem all too common, but they were lubricated. It seemed like a good idea to get those. Once I paid for it, I ran back home alert Jennifer that I bought the condoms. On Tuesday, nothing could distract me from thinking about Jennifer. My thoughts were focused on her face, not so much her body. My friends tried to call me throughout the day. My cell phone was set on silent mode to save me trouble. I spent most of the day relaxing on my bed looking at the package of condoms in my hand. When mid-afternoon hit, I decided to clean myself up for tonight. I began with bathing, following by shaving what little facial hair I had. Jennifer prefers me the way I am, she is thankful that I am not as hairy as my peers. Next I flossed and.
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