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"Look," I rounded on Bob as he shut the door. "I spent the last week with a bunch of left-wing Catholic terrorist pornographers. And then I come home to find my fish all dead."He was staring at me like I'd grown a third head."Opus Christe?" the man behind me said in a deep voice. I gave him a quick glance, noticing only that he looked familiar, and then turned back to Bob."What do you know about Opus Christe?" I asked him."I'm the President of Opus Christe," he said."The what?" I asked breathlessly."The President," he affirmed. "Didn't you know that's where I worked?" Ya know, I knew you were Catholic," I began. "Well, actually, I just knew you had a lot of kids. But I had no idea —"By then, my anger had returned in spades. I held up my hand and began to tick off the list on my fingers."Well, allright, Mr. Opus Christe, I said, "then maybe you can explain the kidnapping, and the murder, and the pornography, and the terrorism."My thumb was hanging there uselessly."Oh, yeah, and those. "I understand from your survey, Miss Banyard, that you are sexually active and that you are on the pill. I also understand that you contracted and STD two years ago," the doctor stated coolly."Umm, yes," Brittney confirmed, embarrassed."Very well. For this next application you will need to put your feet into the stirrups," the doctor stated as she extended the stirrups from the table."What are you going to do?" Brittney asked nervously, not moving."We have developed a topical nanomaterial that will both prevent unwanted pregnancy and prevent future STD's. Both would seem to be of value to you, Miss Banyard. Now put your feet in the stirrups. There's nothing to be afraid of, I'm a medical doctor. You don't have anything I haven't seen before."Brittney lifted and spread her legs. Before she realized what was happening, the doctor added Velcro straps around her ankles, trapping her in the stirrups. "Just to prevent any unnecessary movement, Miss Banyard. We don't want something to go.
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