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. Where's Adolf Hitler? And Jeffrey Dahlmer? And um ... Judas? Isn't Judas here? I'd love to talk to him." Uh ... no, there's just us." Huh?" You're the first person to be damned." What?" I gave him the look I reserved for idiots who told me there were aliens abducting cows."You're it, yep ... Number one!" He smiled. "I'm really glad you're here too!" You mean to say nobody else, in all of human history, has ever been damned to Hell before?" Uhhhhh..." Satan looked at me very apologetically, "No. I mean ... Yeah. That about sums it up." But what did I do? I mean, I killed myself, so what? Zillions of folks do that all the time! I lied, I cheated at Monopoly, I fucked every chance I got, drank, did drugs, shoplifted, kicked a dog, strangled a cat almost to death once, ummm ... I swear a lot, I eat meat on Fridays, masturbate during confession, and plot to seduce my father. Now tell me, I'm the only one in Hell just because of that?" Hmmm ... That and, well, I asked for you." You asked. ”I smiled as I rubbed a tear from the top of my cheek onto my mom’s shirt. With a bit more confidence, I walked back to the bathroom to take my shower.The waiting room of the hospital was pure nerve wracking. Ean didn’t come with us as to not increase my chances of slipping up and referring to him, my brother, as the father of the baby in me. Finally the doctor called us in. It felt really embarrassing walking down the halls to his office. I was fourteen and he was checking up on my pregnancy. I felt as if all the nurses were staring down at me knowing what was inside my belly and judging me for it like I got knocked up by some drunken sixteen year old boy about to flunk out of school. Ean couldn’t be any more opposite.As we got situated in the room, mom told the doctor about the bleeding. He quickly turned to me and told me eye to eye that it was nothing to start worrying about and he was going to give me an ultrasound that day so I could see my baby. That got me really excited. Mom.
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