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I will say in those days, that I would have more than abit of anxiety thinking that I was gay. I was more than a bit ignorantof the transgender scene, which was non-existent in my home town as faras I knew, and the internet was not as sophisticated as it is now. Itmay sound odd, or contradictory, but I guess I convinced myself that ifI was a woman, it would not be so wrong, but I was a man. In any event,I was pretty sure that I had taken my walk on the wild side and spentsome time overcompensating for it. A nice fantasy to use, but notsomething I would repeat. I would walk down the street desperatelytrying to make sure that I was attracted to every woman that went by.Unfortunately, my period of real chastity didn't last all that long.After a few weeks of trying to be very macho, I reverted back to beingmore feminine, at least in private. In short order, I became addictedto my closet dressing and wore panties underneath my regular clothesalmost every day. I also painted my. "I mean, no way at all." My God," Tanisha said, "When I realized he was your father, back at the show this afternoon, I just ... well, Jon, I didn't know what to do." I didn't know what to do when I saw you with him," Jon agreed. "I think for the most part everything worked out. What was the deal you had with Doris? You seemed pretty nervous around her." Jon, she looks so much like my mother it's not funny," Tanisha sighed. "It was all I could do to keep from calling her 'Mom' a couple times. She doesn't really act much like my mother; she's much more outgoing and friendly, where my mother was rather submissive and reserved."She was silent for a moment, and Jon heard a sniff in the darkness of the car. "Tanisha?" he asked."I don't know how to say this," Tanisha said. "Doris is almost like what I wished my mother had been like. Warm and friendly, not a cold fish like Mom, who always felt she had to stand in my father's shadow. I mean ... well, damn." I think there was a little of that.
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