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Denial, 3. Anger, (That would be the asshole phase), 4. Bargaining, (That would be with God, “I will be a good person and live a good life if….” and in my case, it worked!), 5. Depression (Another phase of asshole behavior), and 6. Acceptance, which is where I was at by the time I started college. I was still feeling emotional bouts of the other phases off and on, but I was in college, doing something with my life, living my life. And for me, sex was a big part of living, and still is ;). I kept my condition private, if anyone noticed and asked about my weak hand, I’d say it was nerve damage from a martial arts training injury. I knew what my end was going to be, if I allowed it to get that far. The doctors were very clear about how things were going to progress. “You will, over the next ten years or so, loose strength and muscular function. You will need to have splints made to keep your joints from contracting; eventually you will drown in your own secretions as the muscles in. “Answer me dammit!” “I did stuff ok!?”“What did you do!?” My mom grabbed her arm and pulled her out of the room, out of my sight, but not far enough.“God, I just sucked him off!” I heard my sister say defensively.There was more scolding and yelling. Sexual favors for drugs was clearly the line that my mother had never crossed before, and she was disgusted that her own daughter had done it, but it didn’t stop. For weeks my sister was still getting high, and hadn’t even bothered to look for a job, she didn’t need money anymore. My mother disapproved of course, but let it go. Now one of the problems with addictions is that they actually get worse over time. A person who has smoked for 30 years probably smokes more now than when they started. Same goes for an alcoholic, and the same goes for a junkie. Some studies say it’s because the longer a person uses a substance they become increasingly resistant to it, and need more to get the same effect. People also compromise with themselves.
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