There was also guilt. Paul knew that the things that he was saying were not true, and he didn’t like to lie. When he said “she’s not my girlfriend” that was a lie, but then it was supposed to be a secret. He also felt that he wasn’t being fair to Paula, that when he said “I never said she was beautiful” what that really meant was “she’s not beautiful” and that was a lie and not being a good friend and ... and well it just wasn’t right. But when he said he didn’t like her, that made the little boy feel ashamed.And Paula? When somebody would suggest that Paul was her boyfriend she would say, “not really,” which was ‘not really’ true but also wasn’t a strong denial. Did that mean that Paul was ‘kind of’ her boyfriend? When you’re eight years old, being kind of a boyfriend is as bad as just being a boyfriend. So the little girl wasn’t helping, or at least not helping much, which annoyed Paul. It bothered Paula to be as dishonest as she was with her “not really.” And, she thought, it isn’t. On 15th march 2005 she calls me on my mobile and said that her parents and brother are going to Bangalore for a marriage and sitting alone at home am bored. Hmm seems like I got a real good chance to make my dream come true. In the evening at 5.30 I was her at place. She was wearing a light green salwar and man she looked real gorgeous. We spoke about general things, joked for a while. We didn’t know that the time was 9.00 and it was then that I said “what do u want for dinner”…she said she will make some dosa and she went to the kitchen and we had real good dosa.All the while talking I was looking at her breast, which were inviting.We were sitting facing each other and were watching one music channel. As time was 11.00, I told her that I will not be leaving tonight as I can’t let a friend like her to be alone in the house. She looked at me and said “ok”… Then I went near her and was telling her how she looked. She was smiling all the time. I could see the spark in her eyes….and in a.
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