I could not give him everything. I might have operated him myself, provided better vascularisation, extended his life, decreased his misery a bit. I ll never know.He loved us the way he could, I guess we did the same too. But, but, but as long as I m alive, I wish we could have been better dad-son. Wish I was stupider. Wish I could enjoy TV along with him, or be there every day making life for him, or I was never born so he could spare the time he spent on me and did what he enjoyed most a more. I will never know.I have regrets, now that he is dead. I had them when he was alive. I think I tried to live his life for him. I backed out frequently allowing him freedom to chose, he didn't.Maybe that was his choice.My mom was a piece of art. I thought she was stupider. But she could listen. We told her everything. She had lots and lots of friends. Getting to a strange place, u'd expect her to make a few friends within minutes. People talked to her. She could have been a super therapist.. These were real people, real families, and real children.I wanted to look away, but couldn’t seem to tear my eyes away.The video did not include real time sound. The networks seemed to agree that hearing the screams and pleas of the condemned would be too traumatic.That would all come later.The wall of water roared on shore at something over sixty miles per hour, crushing every single thing it encountered. Buildings literally dissolved onscreen. Roads and bridges seemed to vanish in a blink.It was too much.And it could have been our west coast, instead of Turkey, Lebanon and Syria. Our families could have been crushed under billions of tons of racing water.When I finally looked away, Angela, Laney, Gloria, and Crystal were crying. There tears matched my feeling precisely. Zeke was holding Laney. Charles had his arms around Gloria, while Jeff comforted Crystal. Angela and I walked inside to our bedroom, where I held her until the wracking sobs quieted. Dinner was going to have to.
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