At least for this year. They were the trail of bread crumbs you followed back to me. Without your concern for them, you never would have come. You were so concerned about the chasers that you were blind to the clean base. It's still a bit of a blind-spot for you." What the fuck do you mean? I know it's the base I'm addicted to. I know that's how you got me." And yet when you come here begging me for a clean dose, the only thing you're worried about is what the chasers will make you do. You're not asking the big questions. You're just worried about how you'll spend the next 8 to 12 hours of your life."Sobbing."I don't blame you, really ... if I were in your shoes, I'd be worried about the chaser too. Will I turn you into a pliant little party-girl, but spare you the memories with something like benzodiazepine? Maybe I'll fuck you up on sodium pentathol, and let one of the psych kids drag every last private thought from your head. Or maybe I'll keep you painfully alert, but paralyzed. I barely touched it when Barb startled me by saying “Boo!”My hand shot back to my side. I looked at her with an intense glare, mad at her for startling me.“Sorry kitten, couldn't resist.” She walked over to me and gently stroked my hair. Her voice was soft and soothing this time, “Pick it up and look at it. I won't scare you again, sweetie.”I did as told and picked it up. It was soft, sort of a rubbery feel to it and yes, it did feel almost real. I looked at the bottom of it with my eyebrows raised as she spoke again.“That is for something else. You just need the main part right now.” She sat down next to me, her scent enveloping my senses. Clean fresh and delectable. She wrapped her long fingers with her favorite dark red nail polish on her nails around it. She tugged at it and I let it go. I watched as she gripped it in her other hand then looked me in the eyes.“This is between you and me. Nobody will ever know this happened. Are we in agreement, kitten?”“Yes, ma'am.”“First, you.
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