I waved goodbye and my dirty mind thought of various kinds of ‘something fun’ for afterwards.I had just turned out most of the lights in the living room a few hours later, and was preparing to go snuggle up with Marcia in our bed when I saw the headlights of the young men’s car start to poke along my long driveway across the isthmus to my peninsular acreage. I thought about chatting with them, but then decided I’d see what happened when they came in. I went into the master bedroom area, and got ready for bed, leaving the hallway dark so I could return unnoticed to peek at the teens and their dates.When I finished my ablutions, I snuck back along the bedroom hallway to see what was going on in the living room. I could hear some murmurs of conversation now and then, but mostly things were quiet. Years earlier I’d added an oriental screen in the living room at the end of the bedroom hallway to keep guests from looking down the hall at traffic between the bedroom doors. This was to. But love is a fickle thing, and after seven days it was perfectly possible that Sue would be unwilling to give Brandon up. Or that she’d return home and tell me that because of my own stupidity, whatever I wanted, she wanted him to be a part of her life in the future. Or maybe she’d never really fully return home, as Brandon had threatened, telling me that she still loved me but that she loved him the same or more.As I watched them kiss, cuddle and grow closer as a couple, that frightening voice of truth told me that all of these things were possibilities. And this fear paralyzed me and was far, far worse than any physical pain I’d ever known. I’d known the pain of losing girlfriends when I was younger. But losing the woman who was my other half was something I’d never be able to endure.I’m not proud to admit it, but I could only cope with this life-threatening mix of despair, gut-wrenching fear, and paralysis with the help of drink. By late evening I was dead to the world, the.
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