She turns away. I come closer, slowly, and wrap my arms around her. I have her arms in an ‘X’ pattern and I hold them there. I hold her close to me as she cries. She can’t move, and she continues to bawl in my arms. She probably saw a photo, a post, some sort of trigger. Or she could have just been thinking about high school, about him, about all the different ways he touched her, about all the pain he’s caused her, about all the pain that is still here, years later. About the pain she fears may never go away. She’s shaking in my arms and I’m all that’s holding her steady. Here, held so tight, she is able to let go. She is able to not be as strong as she always is. She is able to cry without having to worry. Without having to think. Just to feel. It’s times like this she feels broken. It’s times like this that she feels like her body is dirty. Tarnished. Ruined. It’s times like these that all she can see on her body are his handprints, forever burned into her flesh. It pains me to. “Why do you think that Chris?” I asked. “I tend to make all the running. I jump in bed on the first date, so,e times I,ll suck a guy off Before I even kiss his lips. I must be a sick bitch that puts guys off!” She sniffed. “Well you,re certainly not the shy retiring type like most of the females I met when I was your age.” I reasoned. “Times have changed, Dad. No offence, but I don,t want to end up a forty year old spinster with nothing to show for my life, but a sore cunt!” She liked to curse when angry or frustrated. “With your looks, body and talent that will Never happen!” I assured her. “Maybe so, but it feels like it just now.” She,d been drinking heavily to drown her sorrows and let me make her a cup of tra(she may be the daughter of this expatriate American but hates coffee!” Eventually she calmed down, her tears stopped and she kissed me a daughter type kiss. “Thanks for listening Dad. I,m just going to have a long bath and then go to bed in my room. When do,you go back.
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