’ ‘No thanks, Gregory. Like some men, I never wear any underwear.’ ‘Not even panties?’ ‘No Gregory – take a look if you don’t believe me.’ Gregory was such a darling, he said, ‘I don’t think many women would escape having saggy tits if they didn’t wear support.’ ‘Thank you Gregory. For that supportive comment I shall buy you a drink or coffee, your choice.’ We went to a bar and drank ourselves into a very happy mood. He took me to his apartment and we fucked until we fell asleep and I awoke in the morning to find his dick in my mouth and his finger up my ass. Well, a compromise but the closest to my dream I’ll ever get. * * * Oh, you want the sequel to that little piece of non-literary smut? I could say up yours, but here’s what happened. The truth was Gregory was a two-finger typist with an error rate of about 45%. Gregory’s real name is Alan B. Pugh, a top romantic, action adventure novelist who worked with us in the pool for three weeks to use as a secondary setting in his next. After all he was only human and this thing might have hundreds of years of experience. But John had felt so miserable and useless for so long now that he simply thought ‘What the hell’. Although he was far from confidant as he slowly ambled over. For what seemed like a long while he stood there watching, it must have been at least quite a while because his feet began to ache. ‘What!’ Snapped the Elf possibly Dwarf. ‘Just Watching’ ‘The plants or me?’ the It growled. ‘Err…’ ‘You some sort of ass staring pervert’ ‘NO!’ cried John ‘Then what?’ ‘Just admiring your spade work, no mater how close you get to the roots you just don’t seem to hurt them, even the fine stringy ones, Is it magic?’ ‘No, Just experience. Something you short lifers wouldn’t understand’ ‘Ah so you are a..’ John stopped himself short as he realised he hadn’t known what he was about to say. ‘I’m both and that’s personal!’ ‘Wouldn’t it be better to replace the soil entirely? Or perhaps some compost?’ ‘Oh I never.
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