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I didn't know what to do with what I felt. It had nowhere to go. I think that, because I was never able to vent emotions, they stayed there and built up, so that small emotional events were magnified many times, and, during the course of a day, I'd whipsaw between dejection and elation, murderous anger and infinite love. Still, as a child, in a child's body, with a child's perception of the world, with a child's belief in the normalcy of his life, the pent-up emotions were not terribly troublesome. I could sneak off and climb trees or throw rocks or sing to myself, out of sight and earshot of my parents, not silenced for being what I felt. The pressure didn't really start to build until early adolescence, when flowing hormones added their force to relief valves that had been welded shut. The greatest pressure-it seems no surprise now-came from the strongest drives, the strongest emotions, the most prohibited of expressions: sex.It wasn't as if I were ignorant. As a precocious reader,. "Maybe you could use the normal toilet if you have diarrhea?" What the fuck?" she moaned and reached for the leather strap. Then changed her mind and said, "Oh, fuck it!"I though that had settled it. I was wrong. She came back to me less than five minutes later. This time, she was carrying a pail. Once again, she slammed her ass on my face and spewed forth a flood of diarrhea shit. She dropped the pail in front of her and leaned forward and spewed her stomach into the pail, while sitting on my face.This time, she didn't leave and return to bed. She squirmed and groaned while I gasped for fleeting breaths as her ass moved up and down on my face. She puked again into the pail. Then a moment later, leaned back, and flooded my mouth with more diarrhea.Her diarrhea was getting more and more liquid, less and less solid, though just as foul, if not more so, than normal shit.It's a good thing I had been at this for a few weeks by then. I had got over my queasiness of eating shit, and I had.
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